Trucks – Cars Break

When They Say “Off-Road”, Sometimes They Mean It

New Toyota Tacomas come in many forms – SR (base), SR5, Sport, Off-Road, and Pro. They range from $25k-$47k sticker based on how fancy you want to get. If you’ve shopped for a used one you know how absurdly high the prices are for a truck that’s 3 years old with 75k miles on it. Now I think I know why, first-hand.

The TRD Off-Road trim has some fancier stuff like wireless smart phone charging, optional heated seats, and distance-keeping cruise control. But that stuff doesn’t exactly scream “I’m a rock crawler”. What will catch the attention of dirt lovers are things like standard Bilstein shocks, 16″ wheels with lots of tire sidewall, and most definitely the electronically locking rear diff.

One thing that’s new for the 3rd gen Tacoma is Crawl Control which won’t mean much to the seasoned off-roader but us city folk will definitely take note. It basically means: “if you bite off more than you can chew on the trail there’s still a shred of hope you’ll get home”, to which I reply “whoo hooo!”. It’s pretty much cheating. But c’mon you can’t tell me you never used Game Genie on your NES or the “up up, down down, left right, left right, B A, select start” cheat in Contra. Here’s a link if you have no idea what I’m talking about.

If you turn the knob all the way to the right you’re at level 5 crawl speed which I sort of guess to mean about 5mph. It’s really noisy. There are a lot of whirs, burrrs, and clunks going on while crawl control is doing its thing but it’s incredibly effective. I went up a pretty steep and snowy hill in 4-hi until I was nice and stuck, and instead of backing down I just threw it into 4-lo, diff lock, and crawl number 5 then let the brake off and rode up the rest of the hill on a magic carpet of millennial entitlement. So wrong, you say? Nay, so right.

Overall I came away super impressed with the not-so-gnarly looking stock Goodyear Wrangler ATs. They’re very quiet on the pavement and I imagine they have decently low rolling resistance given this truck is capable of 22mpg hwy out of the box. I was on some very snowy, rocky, and slightly muddy trails today and they held up great! No sign of getting stuck on the flat parts of the trail even when it was pure white snow.

One thing about the Tacoma that makes it more enjoyable to drive on trails is the width – it’s only 75″ wide. Some of the bigger RZRs out there are a full 65″ wide. I was considering a Silverado in looking for a truck as well but I’m glad I went with the Toyota. Silverados are 80″ wide- only an extra 5″ which doesn’t sound like a lot but when you’re trying to fit between two rocks and two hard places the additional width could mean a very scratched up fender or wheel.

The picture below really doesn’t do it justice but this is a very steep, very icy incline that I wasn’t able to get up in 4-lo alone, I got a decent run and it and almost made it over but there was no more go. I backed (slid) down, locked up the rear, and took another stab. This time it was WAY easier to get up. Didn’t use the crawl control this time because you pretty much needed momentum to get up, more than 5mph, anyway.

One bit of warm and fuzzy nostalgia for me is these tilt-o-meters that show what angle you’re at with pitch and roll. Pretty fun toy although usually the “oh crap” meter in your inner ear can tell you if you’re at a dangerous level of tilt yet. Still pretty cool. I learned how to drive in the Arizona desert in a 1987 4Runner with some really cool analogue tilt-o-meters on the dash. These are the old ones from an 80’s 4Runner I found online and it’s a funny coincidence ours had the lovely red interior as well.

These are the new ones in the 2019 Tacoma – it’s too bad they don’t show on the main Infotainment screen for everyone to see but it’s better than not having them.

Overall I give Toyota a ton of credit for still making the Tacoma a very capable off-road vehicle while still making it super comfortable to live with with features like keyless touch entry and starting. I got it up to 108mph on the highway out to the remote desert location. Takes a while to climb up there but overall felt pretty stable. According to forums, the limiter is set at 116mph but I don’t see a reason to go faster than that in a pickup.

How Spicy a Taco We Talkin?

Toyota Tacomas have long been a favorite trucko of mine. If you’ve ever shopped for one, you know the frustration caused by how much a decent used Tacoma costs. You can either pay $33,000 for a 2 year old TRD Off-Road with 75,000 miles or $35,000 for a brand new one; it’s ridiculous. There’s pretty much no reason to go used unless you’re wanting an old beater with 150k+ miles.

One thing surfacing this year that’s even more ridiculous is the price of the TRD Pro version of the Tacoma. It’s supposed to make your tacoma super battle-ready and off-road capable. What they don’t tell you is basically any 4×4 tacoma is 100% equally matched in capability. But that doesn’t sell Fox Shox.

The “base” model 2019 Tacoma SR 4×4 Double Cab has as standard @ $31,000:

Selectable 4×4 w/ 4WD high, 4WD low, and 2WD
Power locks, mirrors, keyless entry
Limited Slip rear diff
Touch screen audio controls with bluetooth, backup cam
Pretty much everything you need

Here’s what the TRD Pro ads, and this is a freakin PHOTO from the Monroney sticker:

And the price jumps to.. wait for it…. $51,000. Whoa, wat? So I’m paying $20,000 for a layer of black paint on my wheels, a shift knob, and LED fog lights? And don’t forget that sweetass fake hood scoop

“Nay, but what of le Foxen Shoxenes!” you say? Ok fine it has some Fox shock absorbers. Ohhh my bad, you’re right! Those must be like, $6,000 each when you buy them separate right? Uhhh, no. Try $879.99 for a set of 4. And yes that’s for the Performance whatever blah blah version that have the all-important reservoir thing which is absolutely necessary to rock crawl over the curb into onto the soccer practice field.

Don’t get me wrong I love Tacomas and I’m probably going to buy one soon. I bought a Taco new in 2013 and I loved that thing. It was fantastic. But there’s no way in hell I’m paying an extra $20,000 for a TRD logo skid plate and some shocks I can just buy and install myself. Yeah it also has an electronic locking rear diff, which, admittedly is totally awesome. But realistically you’re not going anywhere I can’t with my lowly LSD rear diff and non-TRD cat back exhaust ride.

Make sure you pay very close attention to what you’re paying for at the dealer. The only reason to not buy the base SR version is if you want a long bed, in which case spring for the SR5 and get beeped at like crazy with all the extra sensors it has.

Couple things I will miss from the older generation is the 4.0L V6 which has a better torque curve and the backup cam inside the rearview mirror which I thought was done exactly right in the 2013 model.

Happy Taco Shopping!

2018 JK Unlimited: The Suckiest Suck to Ever Suck

I’m a fan of American trucks. We had a 2004 Silverado a while back and it ruled. My dad’s got a pristine condition 1994 K1500 that similarly rules. Chevy trucks are something America has done right for a long time. Fords aren’t all bad, either. Dodges and anything from Fiat Chrysler corp, however needs to take a long look in the mirror, eschew Stewart Smalley, and realize they’re not good enough, smart enough, nor, gosh darn it, do people like them.

Jeeps and Harleys are something America believes it has done right for a long time, but in reality they both have lost their way. At long last Harley Davidson is seeing their plight come to fruition with annual revenue falling drastically in recent years. Could this be a result of refusing to innovate and using 100 year old tech in hopes that their bullet-proof branding will continue to appeal to the younger generation? Probably. What baffles me about Jeep is how much brand equity they have while still producing vehicles that are barely road-legal let alone brimming with quality and performance.

Our contender has 12 miles on it and as we pulled out onto the road we noticed it already has interior panel squeak. A trademark of American vehicles with 75,000 miles or more, but 12? Also what you’ll notice immediately on a JK is the lack of ability to stop, go, or turn. Let’s review these items one by one.

Brakes

The brakes are sufficient for maybe a family sedan or a tiny Toyota truck from the 90’s but on this 5000 lbs pig that’s supposed to be able to tow an additional 3500 lbs?? You’re left squishing the not-responsive stoppers to the floor just hoping you won’t hit the car in front of you in stop and go traffic. Needless to say they need a serious upgrade.

Engine

I liked the idea of the 4.0L straight six they used to put in Cherokees and Wranglers. It paid homage to tractor motors and hinted at low-end torque you wanted from an offroad vehicle. The new 3.5L V6 is ultra meh. I had to open the hood to make sure there were six intake runners and headers on the JK or else I would have thought it was a non-turbo 4cyl. It can’t seem to get out of its own way but on the plus side you’re getting 16 mpg around town. Oh wait, that sucks. It’s the same as my dad’s 1994 Silverado with a 5.7L V8, old-school fuel injection, and significantly more torque than the jeep. Not only does it suck, you could say it’s the suckiest module of suck to ever suck. Listen to Homer’s rendition:

Handling

The steering wheel is a little big, it’s like driving a school bus… or a 1990s full size truck. Also you’ll be delighted to note that when traveling at a speed of greater than 30 mph the wheel is utterly unresponsive. You can fling it back and forth with great glee and not really change direction. This becomes a little worrisome on tight mountain roads with cars coming the other direction.

Rugged-ness

You’d think for being a Jeep this car would be nearly indestructable. For those reading along in fury with the argument of “yeah, but it’s tough!” I give you this:

While traveling somewhat slowly through a shallow mud puddle our hero tore huge gash into the sidewall of the front driver’s side tire. Woot. “But the JK has a full-size spare! You’re covered, bro”. Yeah, I guess except that’s more of a liability than an asset when you actually need to use the thing, which will likely be off-road. Why is that? Well because the jack that comes with the car is barely adequate to lift the car high enough to mount the spare in perfect, sunny, flat conditions let alone any imperfection whatsoever in your driving surface.

I used the stock floor jack to lift the vehicle only to find that there wasn’t enough clearance to fit the full-size spare tire. Great. Now I had to put the flat tire back on because it didn’t need as much space to mount, drive on it a few feet until the jack point would be way above the tire mount point, which need a tire-size ditch to accommodate.

Needless to say, the tires that came with this model are weak-sauce and the jack is nearly completely useless in mounting a spare.

Conclusion

I like American manufactures and I want to like them more, but when you’ve been resting on your laurels for decades you deserve a slap in the face. The JK isn’t bad off highway and the cargo space, simplicity, and fun factor (removable roof and doors) do make up for some of this vehicle’s foibles. I do have to wonder why these things still have top-25 resales value, though. They’re crazy expensive for the value they provide and longevity isn’t in the cards. My brother in law’s JK just blew up TWO motors. One at 16k and one at 500 miles. And that’s without any misuse with nothing but dealer maintenance to boot.

Oh Jeep, I hope you figure it all out. I want to like you more, but as it stands you are indeed one of the suckiest sucks to ever suck.

2015 GMC Canyon 4×4 Crew Cab: Pacquiao

The Mayweather-Pacquiao fight was arguably the biggest sporting event this year and possibly even decade. Floyd Mayweather is undefeated in professional boxing and Pacquiao isn’t far behind. Both fighters are well into their 30’s and sort of came out of a respite for the big event.

With a few losses on their track record, the good ole boys at GM are similarly making a comeback to smaller-than-full-size trucks. I use that hyphenated description because gone are the days of the compact truck, and midsize trucks are nearing the mass of full-size trucks from 15 years ago.

The Canyon is big. So much so that it felt like I was approaching a Sierra at first glance. This version was a crew cab 4×4 with the 6 ft bed (in midsize trucks this is the longer of the two). The truck felt ample and roomy to my 5’10” frame and is probably a boon to those over 6ft when comparing directly to a Tacoma, the other middleweight in this fight.

What surprised me most about the Canyon was that it didn’t exactly deliver a knockout blow when you stepped on the accelerator. I expected a lot out of a claimed 305 ponies. When you give it the juice, the Canyon wants to tie you up and rest rather than throw a haymaker. Weighing in at 4500 lbs it’s a bit lame that the 1/4 mi time is 15.4 when the only slightly lighter (4200 lbs) Taco is running 14.7 with a claimed 236 hp! The tacoma does indeed feel stronger and even has 500 lbs on the Canyon in towing capacity.

But what about price? Surely GM knows it needs to undercut the Taco in order to make any headway. Well, maybe not. At $36k+, GM makes you wonder why you’d pay that much when for $34k you can get a TRD off-road Tacoma. For $36k the Taco gets a 1.75″ lift and custom exhaust among other cosmetics when you add the TRD Pro package. Plus a cool 110v outlet in the bed and an electronic rear locker!

Although the Canyon has gas struts to lift the hood, auto-down rear window switches, wifi, and lane departure warning, it’s hardly enough dancing to distract from the Tacoma, which had the best resale value of any vehicle last year.

Without making all this sound like a Toyota commercial, I will say that the Canyon overall does feel more plush and comfy. Hat tip to GM as well for the 4 USB ports I found- one in the dash, one in the center console, and two in the rear. If there’s one thing lacking from most modern cars it’s an appreciation for America’s fierce addition to smart phones and tablets. Another fun thought was the volume and radio present buttons located behind the steering wheel! Way cool. They feel like those mountain bike clicky shifters you use your thumbs and index fingers on. Nice touch.

The instruments overall are familiar and easy on the eyes. Although I’m not a big fan of the redundant speedometer. There’s a digital readout in addition to the gauge.

The Tl;dr (which means ‘too long, didn’t read’ for those not up to date on their internet speak) version is that Tacoma wins. Power you can feel, more towing, Mayweather-esque pedigree, and big value. With more power and a couple years’ experience in reliability testing, however, Canyon/Colorado could be a force to be reckoned with.